


To Be Loved

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Category: Babylon 5, Babylon 5 & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boundaries, Duty, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Missing Scene, Telepathy, Trust, and what it isn't, what we didn't see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 02:33:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18111476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Being around Talia has put Susan through her paces, but ultimately what she finds there is a trust she can believe in.





	To Be Loved

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Marie_L](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_L/gifts).



At last, after months of considering how to approach the situation, Susan sat across from Talia, joy singing through her synapses. She knew that seeing the telepath in her brief and unreliably-timed off hours meant something important was happening. They were establishing trust, one cup of tea at a time. 

Susan was not quick to trust anyone, something she was well aware of about herself. She was even less likely to give her trust to a telepath. Yet here she was. Something about being around Talia had worn away at her resistance. It had happened in the back of her mind,on her own terms, because she knew that her shield was fully in place. The one her mother had taught her to install, something they had made foolproof together. Susan was fully aware that Talia hadn’t done anything to pull those walls down.

This was all blossoming of Susan’s free will. And to trust a telepath again felt amazing. Heady. Perfect. It was surreal enough to experience this on her post at the station, in private or not.

Talia looked at her over her own cup, eyes shining and with a slight curve to her mouth. “Well, hello,” she said, and Susan blushed. Talia’s face didn’t change. “You know. I never imagined I’d get you to myself for a whole hour today.”

“Well--” Susan said. “That could always change. If duty calls.”

“As a resident of Babylon 5,” Talia said, “Is it not true that perhaps I might also qualify as a crew member’s duty?”

“Yes, but--”

“I see. I was only asking.”

“Ah. Well, then, yes. The answer to your question is yes.”

“Mm. It was a good question,” Talia said, with a slightly raised eyebrow. “One might need to know these things. Even a telepath needs things confirmed out loud.”

“At times, I suppose that’s true.”

“It is.”

*~*~*

One day not long after they had both realized they wanted to keep meeting when they could, Susan found herself checking her nails for length. She told herself it was to make sure she could still type on the control panels of the ship.

If it had any other use, Susan would not confirm that out loud. At least not this early.

*~*~*

Despite, or perhaps because of, the pace that things were going at between the two of them, trust rebounded around the walls of Susan’s quarters as once again she sat with tea and Talia. It was evening, and Talia was tired. Yet Susan felt like she was the most important thing in the room as Talia had the presence of mind to look her directly in the eye.

“Anything we say here--anything we’ve ever said,” Talia said, “Anything like that is yours.”

Susan knew this was meant in earnest, and she would keep it with her. She set down her tea and leaned forward.

Talia took her hand. Susan let it happen without a single moment of hesitation.

“You’re so tired. We should get you lying down,” Susan said.

“Is this part of duty?”

“No. No, it is not.”

Talia smiled. “Good. Good for you. Your own time, Susan. Imagine it….”

They curled around each other, big spoon and small spoon, and Susan knew she could just lie there with Talia forever and never move again, whether her communication device even went off, or did not.

*~*~*

The nights that followed were not so chaste and seemingly pure. But there was one that stayed in Susan’s memory as the true turning point, when every moment of hard-won trust was seemingly strung together into one final moment that has been building for months.

Again they sat across from each other, well into the personal ritual that has evolved between them. 

Susan bit her lip for all of a moment before letting it be said. “If there was a way for me to share with you and only you… what’s behind my shield, I would do it.”

Talia sat back. “Susan. I wouldn’t ask that of you--”

“But I would give it. To you alone.”

And then Susan could see the moment Talia felt it, the slight change in the air that meant a telepath was ever so slightly dropping defenses.

“Talia. When we’re together… I want it to be real. I want this to be….” She took a deep breath and pushed through any lingering discomfort.. All of what she had found here was worth it. Every moment with Talia proved it. She _could_ push through whatever worried her about this and still trust., “Enough. I want it to mean enough. Between two telepaths.”

“Oh, Susan.” Talia seemed to know the depth of what she was being given, then.

“You’ve had opportunities...to…” Susan began, unsure how to place the depth of her feelings about this in the words she said out loud.

“To ignore your boundaries?”

“Yes. I would say so.”

“I wouldn’t do that.'

“You’ve proven as much. Again and again. But I would like…”

“Yes?”

“Whatever it might be like...in a relationship like this.”

Talia smiles. “A relationship. Our…? Relationship?”

“Yes. Our relationship.”

Talia lowered her voice to a whisper. “I will keep you safe, Susan.”

And Susan knew that it was without question that Talia meant what she said.

*~*~*

When they were together that night, two streams of thought melded together, the hole in Susan’s shield a pinprick. She had made Talia a key to the tiny but real flow.. Once inside, Talia was allowed. She could hear the sheer depth of Susan’s pleasure as it slipped through her mind on thought after thought after thought.

Susan was quiet, maybe even carrying with her the methodical nature she had in other areas of life, but absolutely would not miss a chance as a lover. She was thorough and heartfelt, and she let Talia read it in her every thought.

*~*~*

“I won’t stay,” Susan said. “I would go with you. If you’d-- go with me.”

Talia nodded and sent the thought silently through Susan’s mind.

_To the rebels. Both of us. We’ll be safe._

_And the Corps?_ Susan was able to send back, riding the current of Talia’s ability.

_The Corps is nobody. There is no love there._

Susan nodded sharply. An agreement that could be seen, in answer to the rush of feelings, of pure truth coming from Talia.

Truth and--

”I love you too,” Susan said out loud, deliberate again. And her heart soared as she saw Talia light up with visible joy.

She knew then that they would make it away. Talia knew the stakes, and she knew the value of boundaries, and they had nothing but trust, no matter who or what was drawn to them now.

*~*~*

Susan knew Talia felt something, suddenly, in the middle of the night. Talia shook herself awake and held in an involuntary noise. “Tonight,” she said out loud instead, measured and serious. “We leave tonight.”

“Going to the place you spoke about?” Susan asks.

“Yes. Alfred Bester is almost here.”

Susan didn’t have to ask any further questions. She put in her notice as soon as she let Talia behind the wall of her shield. Her replacement was already due in the morning.

The captain would understand--and if he didn’t, he simply would be forced to.

Susan knew now where safety was, no matter how new and exhilarating the feeling was.

For once she was going to take it.

She was going to learn a new way to be herself.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a lot of fun to write, and also a worthy challenge. I hope you like the results.


End file.
